We seem to be playing our own version of The Hunger Games down here. But, you know, with hunger, not child warfare . . .
But before I explain our version of the Games, let me make a couple of things explicitly clear: There is absolutely nothing - NOTHING - wrong with giving your child formula. Society puts too much pressure on women to do and be everything. It's not enough to be a mother anymore. You have to be a working mother. And one who works out and keeps her body perfectly toned (at least down South). And you have to give birth naturally. And you have to nurse your baby (even though you are working full time - somehow, you need to figure out how to nurse your baby too). It's not fair. And "it's not fair" is one of my very least favorite statements ever (second only to "I'm bored"). But this really is unfair to women. It's impossible to be and have it all. We all have to make choices in life, mothers in particular. And if you want to feed your child formula and/or think that's best for your child, that's your own damn business and people ought to leave you alone. On the flipside, if you want to nurse your children, people ought to leave you alone about that also (e.g., when you do it in public, as is often necessary unless you want to become a hermit).
Ultimately, I decided that I wanted to take a break from work and nurse my boys. I wanted to nurse for two main reasons. First, I trust nature more than I trust multinational corporations. For the most part, I like eating "real" food - real butter/cream/sugar - not chemical substitutes. I don't trust packaged foods because I often can't discern whether the contents are made with genetically-modified seeds/grains (if you can decipher those labels, you are a better man/woman than me). Needless to say, I trust the milk my body makes more than I trust a powdered substitute that Nestle makes (especially when Nestle does evil, evil things like giving free formula samples to mothers in Africa only to turn around and force them to pay for formula once their own milk supply has dried up and they can't feed their babies (or, as you probably guessed, afford to buy formula), but I digress . . . ). I don't believe that anyone can improve upon the milk that my body already produces and I happen to think it's the best thing for my boys. That isn't to say that formula isn't good also - it clearly is!! And it offers women much more flexibility than nursing does. I just don't buy that formula is "better" than breast milk. Second, and much more selfishly, I wanted the baby weight off of me as quickly as possible after the boys were born and everyone told me breastfeeding was the quickest way to get it off (which I can now confirm is true). Having made the decision to nurse my children, I personally was going to be quite upset if I had to resort to formula. But we almost came to formula last week with Deuce.
Poor Deuce, who seemed so much better once I stopped eating dairy and red meat, regressed a bit and I had to take him back to the doctor. She told me I "had to" put him on formula because he clearly had a food allergy/sensitivity to something (other than dairy) that I was eating. I proceeded to go home and cry when I nursed him for what I thought was the last time (and that's saying something - I've only cried one other time since the boys arrived - when I thought Tait was hurt (he wasn't)). I tried to give Deuce formula for 12 hours before I decided an elimination diet and breast feeding was the better option (basically, he screamed bloody murder for 12 straight hours and refused to take more than an ounce of the formula - that boy is nothing if not 100% certain of what he likes . . . )
The elimination diet is awful. No dairy, no soy, no wheat, no nuts, no fish, no eggs, and no corn for me. For all practical purposes, that leaves me with veggies, fruits, and chicken/turkey. My diet mainly consisted of those things before, but the occasional carb (cracker, granola bar, piece of bread, yogurt, etc.) was appreciated. I am STARVING trying to keep up with the calorie expenditure of feeding twins while eating nothing but fruits and vegetables. At this rate, I'll fit back in my wedding dress next week. Gross. Also difficult is that I basically can't exercise while I'm on this diet. I miss running and definitely thought I'd be back at it right now. But I can't risk burning any more calories than I already am - I'm too afraid my milk supply will decrease. So, for now, I do sit ups, arm workouts, and two-mile walks with the dogs. And I'm thinking about starting yoga also - I've always wanted to but never had time (or, frankly, the motivation - who cares about MORE working out when you are running 50 miles a week?).
On the other hand, having been on the diet for more than a week now, Deuce is doing so much better. Though the days are still sometimes hit or miss (with some days being much better than others), Deuce is eating more than he's eaten since he was a month old, he isn't screaming all day long, he's gaining weight, and he isn't pooing CONSTANTLY. Those are the only things keeping me on this heinous diet. And I've made Scott (and Deuce!) promise to take me out for cheeseburgers and milkshakes once this is all over. Deuce hit his weight goal (11 lbs, 8 ounces) this past Friday (we weigh-in every Friday to make sure he is going to have doubled his weight by his four-month birthday). That despite basically not eating for a full day when I tried to force formula down his throat. Keep your fingers crossed for this Friday - he needs to be at 11 lbs, 13 oz. We've got appointments with a GI specialist and allergist coming up to try and lock down the precise problem. I, for one, am hoping the allergist tells me I can start eating SOMETHING other than fruits/veggies. Eggs and nuts would be nice (they are in EVERYTHING), but that's probably wishful thinking.
In other news, the boys have now found their feet and grab them all the time. And their favorite thing to do is to stare at each other and smile. Too, too cute!! I hope they will be great friends!
'Til next time . . .
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